Kahuna 306 Cant Finish

I have not written up a kahuna hash in a while. Over the last couple weeks there have been some great ones and some quirky runs but last night was as quirky as can be. And that is good thing.

The Hungry Tiger 2 is a classic vegan dive bar and for a weird wrinkle in the jet stream I had never been there. I will go back soon.


Pabst Smear indicated this would have a Canadian theme due to Soft Wood visiting from that big Country that sits on top of us. Cant Finish did not miss a beat.

The trail was pretty much a pavement pounder that included a False Beer Near. Can't Finish laid a BN in the cemetery and there was no beer near thus the term False Beer check. We found limp valentine balloons on a gravestone and many dead ends. (Sorry for the dreadful pun)The beer only appeared another mile away in Laurelhurst Park. We took a long time drinking 24 ounce cans of Genesee. Boy they tasted good. it was the first time I met Banana something and boy does he have some stories to tell. Two Buck F*ck (classic hash name) encouraged us to drink more.

Kahuna has never been the crazy party hash but the mood tonight was classic. The second beer check was another false of sorts as it had no beer. Keeping with the theme there was a massive bottle of Canadian Mist. (Dammit my uncle Bobby used to drink that stuff like crazy and he is no longer with us) but I believe we finished that off also. Two beer checks at a Kahuna is a splendid rarity. Touche. I blame Buster Hyman for that.


Village idiot made a bald faced entrance back into hashing and he encourage many of us to drink more than we usually do. Rubbing his chrome dome seemed to make everybody feel good.


We literally stumbled back to the CantFinish Lair. He had food for everybody and once again the beer flowed freely as we were back to socialized drinking with long lines for health care. We corralled Soft Wood to do religion and "Aye" he pulled it off perfectly.


Kudos to Cant Finish for a classic FusterCluck on Feist's birthday.

274 -Hares -Hash God and Enigma Meat
Where -The Ship (which was closed for the Holiday)

After last weeks epic hash with a large a large turnout tonight's energy was decidedly different. Total lethargy. The often hash invaded "The Ship" where the hash was supposed to start was closed when we arrived.  NO BIG DEAL LET"S JUST HASH.

WELL NOT REALLY. This was a racist hash. Almost everybody who attended tonight's run had run on Sauvie Island earlier in the day. For many walking up a hill hurt. So the hares walked and set trail as did a catatonic band of inane followers. Seriously, we simply rambled around MultVillage and the surrounding parks. All this while reading from our maps of Mt. Tabor. We ended in a field, where by the hares simply couldn't run any farther. We drank a lot of beer in a short time, did a quick religion and drank some more on a PERFECT night to hash.

275 -Hares -Chet FusterCluck and Deep Throat
Where -Alameda Brewing Company

Alas some energy and insanity. The Cuntess of Curdled Cheese J*** what led a group of 35 lunatic through the streets of Alameda. Chester and D.T. set out at random and laid trail lugubriously and randomly as checks where a plenty and trail scarce. Tard Core and Chubby Chaser did most of the hard work and the Bimbos were plenty happy. Trail meandered down steps and through the Hollywood district as the locals started joining in a light hearted meeting of hash and community. Hollywood rolls like that.

A massive beer check in Grant Park lasted well into the night. Honors to the hares for serving the strongest Malt Liquor on the planet.

There were 4 complete Virgins present and they even donned their recent racist shirts. The seemed to enjoy the jocularity

The strong Malt Liqueur seemed to confuse everybody. Muddy Balls led a massive short cut that was correct in thinking but poor in execution as the cheaters made it to the end before the pack. LIVE BY THE SHORT CUT-  DIE BY THE SHORT CUT.

The on home was a chaotic affair as beer flowed freely as FLAMING FART led a near perfect rendition of religion.

On after was at Bills Samyards pool hall in HollyWood and it was a late night for some of us.

Honor to the Hares. This was a light hearted fun hash to run. The flour was chaotic but we made it to where we supposed to. Another perfect day to hash.

Today's Trivia Question.

What is the hasher formally known as just Bruce's hash name. (Correct entries win free beer at the beer checks for a year.Put answer in the cumMents (sic).

From

Romancing the Bone -Guest On Sec

273 DoubleMint Cum and Rear Entry

I am so very honored that Big Shitter asked me to write up the Trash for the Kahuna trail last night that I went straight home to pleasure myself in the shower.


Our hares were Rear Entry and Double Mint Cum, and they brought us to Good Neighbor Pizza where hashers were cumming out of the woodwork like termites searching for a nice hard piece of lumber.

The trail was as original as a box of Twinkies and as enjoyable as the beef fat they are made of. Fortunately, the pavement wasn’t the only thing that was pounded, because there was much beer to be had at the beer check (and it wasn’t the sipping kind). All the pounding enticed some of our wankers, including Cock Broker, to take a private moment after the viewing of several boob checks.
The trail ventured along the railroad tracks where the delicate String Cheese and Gayzelle complained that the gravel hurt their little toesies and worried that we might be arrested. Fortunately, we thwarted the law this time, though I’m sure the railroad police will be ready for us next time (if they can catch us).
The beer check, with it’s freshly mowed lawn and rolling hills, was the shiggiest portion of the trail, and even by this time, the insatiable Twatsicle left in search of something that might get her wet. Our beloved Hot Buns, who was hoping to get some bimbos wet himself, replaced her.


The second leg of the trail was hijacked by Burnt Lips, who turned a simple trail into a cluster fuck. The pack came into the On-In from at least three different directions, with little idea what had just happened to them (though this is usually how the best nights end).

We finally came to the beautiful house of Rear Entry and Double Mint Cum, where we were rewarded with delicious pulled-pork sandwiches, a toasty fire, and more importantly, beer. Honor to the hares (all three of them).

Pabst Smear led an unusually long circle, which was drawn out for as much as 20 minutes. The Kahunas were getting anxious to begin sport drinking as Pabst introduced four virgins, several visitors, including one from Mexico and one from Vegas, and 69 backsliders.

After much beer was had, and all the Ding Dongs and pork were eaten, we swang low.









Honor to the Kahuna Hash for making this bimbo, and all the other backsliders, cum and giving us another day in which to drink.









Upcumming:



Tonight: The pregnant, lame hare, Amazon.cum, gives us Anal in Laurelhurst Park at the Beaver.









Wednesday: Hump Hash AGM erections! Cum to Cherry City Park in SE to vote for Skinny Bitch and me, Romancing the Bone!
Thursday: Burning Feeling and Romancing the Bone hare the No Name at Periander Park in SW.
Next Monday: Gymnasty hares the Kahuna
Cheers,
Romancing the Bone

Superfund Waste Dumps On a Superfun Night.

There once was a man who finish he cant.

Who dreamed of haring how deviant,

He was off with a fright,

In the middle of the night,

And he found he needed lubricant.!

The days are getting longer. The trails are getting longer. About 20 hashers gathered in NOPO for Cant Finishes debut as a Monday Night hare. Cant Finish is a hasher's hashers. He looked like hell tonight with recent nettle scars and the remains of skateboarding accident. Trail immediately headed toward a bluff on the bluff. Mutt Fuc*er led the masses as Shi**y Kitty and Hash God led the end of the pack gossipers. It was a fairly long trail (5.69 miles per GPS) and Muddy Balls was first to the Beer Check as well as the beer at the end.

Rear Entry and I Love Tall Boys were DFL tonight as they finished trail carry a warning sign that the trail had crossed into a toxic waste dump. Mystery Meat and Head First did a great job of absorbing many of the stinging nettles on trail. Gazelle and Just James recovered from being lured by long false trail by scaling a dangerous shiggy infested cliff thus catching the rest of the pack.

Honor to Just James for being one of the few Hashers to get named at a Kahuna Hash!! Honor to the Donkey Punchin' Mutha Fucka named PLACEBLO!!!

We were sitting around munching on a feast Can't Finish had assembled. (Honor to shrewd shopping at Gross Out) and Just James launches into a story with explicit detail about how at one time he had received Oral Favors while he was sleeping. We all immediately questioned how he received this while asleep and whether said Blower just told him that he received fore mentioned Oral gratification. A naming on Mondays is a rarity of sorts but the founding fathers gathered and agreed to name him PLACEBLO, His down down was also classic as he was down on his knees and performed a no hands drink back of Pabst Blue ribbon and chocolate pudding. Chocolate pudding dripped down both corners of his mouth as he was anointed his name.

Speaking of the end of Oral Favors, Rear Entry and Doublemint Cum also received down downs for their up coming nuptials.

Honor to hare tonight for setting a challenging albeit snarky trail. Honor to Log Jammer for feeding him pain pills before the run. Our hare sported fresh electric shiggy scars from the past weekend as well as various skateboarding fails. The Gross Out (Grocery Outlet) spread of food was perfect after a semi long trail. He is an obvious graduate of the Hump school of hashing.
As usual everybody got a piece later that night. it is the magic of Mondays

It takes and Idiot to Raise a Village
OKH3 #267 Mystery Meat
Location -Some obscure Trail Head in Tyron Creek

This night could have been a total clusterf*ck of sorts but our collective half minds saved the night.

Perfect Storm
1. Mystery Meat Posted the wrong starting place for tonights hash.
2. Big S++ter posts the same wrong info via email.
3. Skinny Bitch recognizes that it iswrong.
4. Pabst Smear tries to correct fore mentioned problems.
5. Even with correct directions where ever we started is a fictional place and I don't see my self getting there again. I know for a fact if I went back there today. That place would be gone.

Still a hearty group of 25 hashers made it to the start and my guess is there may be another 10 still out wandering lost. You can't beat Mystery Meat as he did his best to get everybody to the start but he was off at the appointed time. Cant Finish almost finished his beer giving the signal to the rest of the pack to start hashing. At the first check Amazon.cum somehow forgot what flour looked like and hashed on true trail as she tripped over mounds of flour but not calling that she was on. Rear Entry doubled back and corrected that. Basically this was a mud run with very little bush whacking. Brokeback Bitch and DoubleMint Cum found a sneaky little trail that led us almost back to start but no where near the finish. About 50 minutes in we did a sneaky out and back to the Beer Check where Mystery Meat admitted being a little turned around.

Arse Parade saved the day and led the rest of the pack toward the end of the trail.Seems as Hash God was looking for salvation, DownTown was trying to keep her feet warm, Flaming Fart was roaming around aimlessly chanting "Its a Perfect Day to Hash, Shitty Kitty was flashing hers, as Muddy Balls lost his keys in the woods, and Mutt F#cker was pleasing the K9 crowd. Arse Parade and Coitus stumbled upon true trail and led the masses to golden nectar at the end.

We had fried chicken from Costco. I have no idea why this oil spilled fowl is so popular but it is. And cheese curls were also devoured. Religion was led by Rear Entry with dry wit that was somewhat perfect.

Hats off to Mystery Meat for venturing out of his comfort ship. Nice ample shiggy, plenty of greasy food and lots of beer. Our last run in this location was Kahuna hash 4 where Tw*tSickle and her husband laid something. We need to come back her again in about 270 hashes and see if this place is  for real.
And then a rare naming on a Monday Night. Just Memphis (his just name just deserted me) came to hash a few weeks ago. There was an ample supply of beer on that night and we told him to help himself and his reply was that he preferred tall boys. Just Memphis is now forever tagged as I Love Tall Boys.

Gayzelle Goes Bin Laden
@pdxkahunahash No scouting no problem. While admittedly not scouting a lick Gayzelle had the chutzpah to wing it and run through a cemetary without an action plan. The people from below watched as he ran over them only to come to an eight foot fence with no way out. Eternal Hell so close to beer but locked in a cemetary.

But Gayzelle was smart for a half mind as he constructed a ladder made of 4 wooden pallets and duct take completely ignoring the metal ladder that sat near by.
S mart
H alf Minded
I diotic
T rail
Totally

Y ou guess it. Made up on the spot.
Honor.


OKH3 #263 Muddy Balls
The day we first met Muddy Balls (Just Pete at the Time) hashing, it had to be 11 years ago and we were out hashing in the Gorge on a wonderful fall day and the beer for the beer check was on a dock in the middle of a pond. Everybody looked at each other, then the beer, and suddenly Muddy was in the water swimming the 30 meters to the beer and back. Problem solved, Muddy Balls (F*c*en  Pete at the time) had become an instant hash legend.

Many of us were expecting a kick ball or a smush ball game , but Mr. Balls came through tonight in a big way. The start tonight was the often imitated Red Fox Pub on Mississippi. Another hash comfort bar, with one dollar old Germans and well 3 dollar drinks. To this day I have no idea what a well drink is so, Well lets drink anyways. Many Old Germans were consumed as  Muddy silently disappeared.

Trail headed straight down Mississippi using several alleys and school yards. Little Butt Buddy did most of the hard checking as Cunning Goodwill stood on the street corner predicting where the hash may go. Then some myriad of sphincter checks followed right through some guys back yard and a chicken coop. We headed to Overlook Park with a beer check behind the Overlook house. Cans of Caldera for everybody were consumed liberally. Flaming Hetero looked over the banks of the Willamette and was convinced we were to cross the Willamette.

No such luck, as Chubby Chaser led a band of nit wits down a shopping cart covered ravine only to follow Blast Rag up amother identical hill, joining a band of cunning little runts led by Mutt Fucker and Just Jenna who simply hashed city side walks. It was the perfect day to hash as the rest of the sun soaked pack meandered to the On In. Flaming Fart won the hash tonight with well placed cheating and short cutting. Gym Nasty was DFL.

It got cold quickly and we were treated with a fire of epic dimensions at the On In. This along with massive plates of pasta and chips. I know most hashers love beer on trail but one of the simple pleasure of hashing is that you can eat chips. I never told my wife that we had chips at the hash. Damn I was busted tonight.

At religion some wanker from San Diego chose to sing a 13 minute version of Monday is Hashing day crushing Kahuna records that go as far back as the the old testament where somewhere it is written/

May the hash Go In peace. May the hash get a piece.

Notables

• The Cuntess of Curdled Cheese J*zz actually took a shopping cart ride down the embankment at Overlook Creative.
• Skinny Bitch was the creative mastermind in aforementioned creative short cutting. The Bimbos just followed.
• Godspeed and a beer to Doc Snotty Balls and Producing Man Milk. 4/20 is their due date.
• Does any body know what day the hump is having their 420 hash.