Kahuna Hash 193(Adventure/Musical) (2009) -Portway tavern

“Murphy, I don’t think we’re in Portland anymore…”

The story of the Virgin in the OSU Hat.

Major Characters
Slut Machine……………………………………………………………..Judy Garland
A sweet and very innocent girl who lives on a farm in North Portland with her
dog. After being hit on the head during a recent false trail, Slut falls into a long and deep dream in which she visits the magical “Portway Tavern.”

TwatSickle…………………………………………………………………..
Slut complete opposite who has to take care of the cash as well as manage the Kahuna Hash.

Sniffylust………………………………………………….…………….

Reddi Nipps husband was just out for a hash and a smoke.

Pocket PussEye/The Scarecrow of sorts…………………………….………….….
PP is one of the wankers on Slut's trail , but in the land of the Portway, he’s a gentle whiskey carrying hasher who is very sad because he doesn’t have a brain

(A pocketpussy is an object that is made of straw and shaped like a man,
that is placed on hash trail to scare birds away from the flour).

Pabst Smear/The Tinman…………………………………..……..……
Pabst is another dullard hasher, but in the land of Portway, he’s a gentle man made out of tin metal, who is sad because he doesn’t always have a beer.

The Virgin in an OSU Hat……………………….……………………………..….One of the funnier virgins we have had in along time.

Miss Gulch/The Wicked Bitch of the West…………..The Bar Tender at the Portway.

Murphy……………………………………………………………………played by……….Toto
Slut’s much loved pet, and perhaps the most
famous hashing dog in the history of the hashing.


Plot Summary

This hash is the amazing story of Slut, a no so very sweet and innocent girl who hashes with her Dog on or near the beloved Portway tavern.

(It’s not clear when it was supposed to take place, since story of this hash was written in 1902, but the trail was not laid until 2009, and there are no obvious references to suggest an exact date). One day Slut decides to run away from the Portway in order to protect her little dog, Murphy, after a horribly mean woman named Cankle Sore threatens to have him killed. Slut and Murphy leave to discover the world, but after meeting a strange yet kind man named Gym Nasty, she decides to return to the Toxic Waste Dump a few hours later, just as a tornado/down pour hits the trail. She is hit in the crouch as desending the bluff, and instantly falls into a deep, color filled and magical orgasim.

Enters our Virgin of the Night (The Virgin in an OSU Hat)

Who finds herself in a fascinating world called the Land of Portway, where evil bitches and good hashers and various talking animals all live. She is treated as a hero by the Munchkin hashers, because her ankle was fallen on, and thus killed, the Wicked Back Check to the East. But Dorothy The Virgin in an OSU Hat soon discovers that this Slut had a sinister plan, the Wicked Bitch of the Portway, who is still very much alive. ,TwatSickle the good and beautiful Witch of the North, makes sure that the Virgin in an OSU Hat is protected from this other Wicked Bitch, by placing The Virgin in an OSU Hat in magic ruby hashing shoes(red shoes), that have great powers that keep toxic waste off ones shoes, and the Mudd Butt of the Hashs very much wants to have the hare for dinner.

Although Slut loves many of the wonderful things about this new world, she very much wants to return the pack back to the Portway. Tramsvestite tells her that unfortunately, the only person who could do that is the Virgin in the OSU hat.

On the way to the portway Virgin in the OSU hat, becomes friends with three magical characters, all of whom decide to join her, both to protect her, and to see if the hashers can also be of help each of them. Her three new friends are the Flaming Fart, who wants the Wizard to give him a brain, the Mudd Butt, who wants the hare to give him a heart on, and the Lying Lion Big Shit*er, who wants the hare to give him some courage (That would be beer) . The Virgin in the OSU hat meets one after the other, and all the while, she must face the constant threats of the Wicked Trail on the Bluff, who does everything she can to prevent Cankle Sore and his friends from reaching their destination.

Eventually though, they do reach the Portway, but before the Slut will give them what they desire, they must face the Mighty Down down one last time. After doing so, all of Slut’s friends seem to get what they had wished for excluding Mudd Butt, and Virgin in the OSU hat herself learns an amazing lesson about hashing, beer and the way to get back to her beloved home at the Portway….