Body in Forest Park is missing tow truck driver

Posted by Big Shitter, The Oregonian April 13, 2008 16:52PM

Hares -Reddi Nip - Newton Rd. Kahuna Hash 105 (Close estimation)

Categories: Breaking News, Portland

Dario Rolon-Centeno, 61, had been missing since March 27.

A body discovered in Forest Park by a hiker Saturday afternoon was identified today as that of a North Portland tow truck driver missing since March 27.

The body of Dario Rolon-Centeno, 61, was discovered just off of Northwest Germantown Road, Portland police spokesman Sgt. Brian Schmautz said. An autopsy Sunday ruled out homicidal violence, Schmautz said, but investigators suspect that Rolon-Centeno's body was moved to the park after his death.

Well Portland Police have finally found who dumped the body there after finding flour leading to and from the crime scene. They Have Reddi-Nip in custody and its a pretty open and shut case. She told police she hared the Kahuna hash and things got out of hand. She was live haring the hash and on approach to the first beer check she noticed somebody messing with the beer check beer. She claims to have put down a 24 pack of beer and some Mexican needing a heart transplant was chugging down the beer for the beer check. And Reddi Nip just lost it. She just walked over to the lagubrious beer stealer (whom was obviously under the influence of Viagra) and punched him in the Weiner. She thought he had died on the spot (of the beer check).

Reddi Nip told the Portland Police and Sam Adams that she heard Got Man Milk and Alley Cat approaching the beer check at a rapid fire pace and by all means she was not to be caught setting trail. The true Tasmanian Devil had come out of her. She said she picked up the dead Mexican and set trail with him on her back. She surmised that the dead man on her back may not have been dead as he whispered zombie like -"Bimbo take the Fire trail to the south." And that she did....lumbering the semi-dead Mexican to the second beer check.

Reddi Nip set the semi dead guy down and proceeded to set the beer check with another case of Micro brew...And wouldn't you know it the dead dude who used to be on her back drank another 24 cans of beer check beer. (Miller Lites) and we all know more than two cans of any Lite beer will kill anybody on the spot....and that it did. The Mexican was once again dead.

Mandigo panicked as she heard Wild Man approach right behind her... (The ironic thing is that police reports indicate Wild Man was not hashing tonight). Her cover blown she carried the Dead Mexican guy in the news up the Cannon trail to Germantown road. She meant to put the body in her recycling bin the next day (As -O- always says...leave it for the bums) but she got caught up in setting a mean false trail and simply forgot about he Dead Mexican...The jury is out...

The police left after that.

Once again if we would have called HazMat, Reddi Nip may have had a chance in court.

Something tells me when we thawed out we all would have a well hung jury declaring her guilty of setting a shitty trail.

Then there was Frigid Hole whom was biblically pissed at the lack of beer on the beer check, she could have killed the Dead guy, Doc Snotty Balls can not be ruled out either as he bitched about Nafta the entire way, and Farticus one should also have doubts about as he invited guests from Scotland and we all know the Scots abhor Mexicans.

Thanks for Keeping Kahuna Weird.

On-On

JuryDuty Soon

Big Shitter